Dear Olivia,

We should have been attending your annual IEP meeting today. We’ve been preparing for it for months and it was going to be your first time attending. I figured it was time to start engaging you in the process. Even if it was just to listen. I had your “Family Report” all ready and was prepared to show off to everyone how far you’ve come in reaching your goals and beyond. I’m upset that we’re not there. I wanted you to continue to be a role model for others. You’ve always made me so proud. I wanted to share what our Thanksgiving college tours in North Carolina were like and we learned Chapel Hill was much flatter and easier to get around than Duke. 

Olivia, we were peas and carrots. You worked hard at everything you did and I worked hard for you. 

Everyday Sage asks me if I’m still sad. I tell him yes and that I’m going to be sad for a long, long time because I miss Livy. I let him know that I love him and I ask him if he’s sad, he says, “yes, I miss sissy.” 

When Sage gave you a kiss goodbye at the hospital we told him you were going to live with Grandma Donna and that we were sad because we wouldn’t see you for a really long time. I don’t think he really understood what that meant. All he can tell us is that when he said goodbye to you in the hospital it was because you were sick. Sage is only 2 and half. The thought of him not remembering you and how close the two of you have been breaks my heart. You’ve been peas and carrots too. I will forever share stories and photos about you with him, but it just won’t be the same without you.

It doesn’t feel like it gets any easier.

Love,

Momma