Dear Livy,

Sage missed having you with him today.  I had no idea how difficult going to “bone juice” without you was going to be for him…or me. You’ve been his IV role model. I hadn’t realized it, but watching you get your IV first obviously made Sage stronger and more compliant when it came to getting his own. 

Sage screamed, jerked his arms, kicked his legs, shook his head and did everything he could to stop that IV from getting in as quick and efficiently as usual. Needless to say, he was angry! When it was all said and done everything was okay again, but not having big sister with him made for a very different “bone juice” experience. 

Nurse Renee and Nurse Kelly miss you. Renee sat and talked to me about what happened for a little while. Everyone is always as surprised as I was and still am when I tell them it was a virus/seizure combo. 

I gave bracelets to both nurses, they loved them! Nurse Renee shared with me that our holiday card had reached their office the day they heard the news. She said all she could do was stare at your beautiful face on the card. 

It must be hard to be a pediatric speciality nurses. They probably have to deal with  children dying more often than not. One day they see a kid in clinic and the next time they don’t. I wonder how many families are like ours and come back because they have more than one child that gets regularly scheduled treatments. Do other families let the clinic know when their child isn’t going to return or do they the staff to figure it out on their own by checking the chart when the next appointment is missed? 

Bone juice appointments will never feel the same. They may get easier, but every time we’re there I’m going to think about you cuddling with me, napping on my lap, playing your music apps and being your little brothers brave big sister role model. 

I love you, Livy.

Momma