Dear Livy,

It’s hard to describe how much I miss you. I can’t get through a single day without crying. Sometimes I think I’m going to make it, but then I just crash. I either have to go to my car and let it out or shut my office door and hope no one walks by and sees me loosing it. It just happens. There is no specific reason. It comes and goes.

I went to your school today. I felt like I was holding my breath the entire hour I was there. I didn’t want to crumble in front of anyone. There were tears, but there could have been much more. I can’t hold them back when people ask if they can give me a hug or when they tell me they’re sorry. They seem sincerely sad and I’m sure seeing me and all my sadness doesn’t make it any easier. I’m sure people don’t even know what to say. I wouldn’t. 

I’ve decided to stay active at your school and continue my role as the parent representative on the school-wide PBIS committee. I enjoy the school personnel I’ve gotten to know on the committee and I feel a sense of responsibility to all the students with disabilities on campus to stay with it. Plus, Sage will eventually be a student there and I plan to be as involved in school activities with him as I have been with you. 

I picked up a few cards that were left for our family while I was on campus. The thoughtful parents from the Harvest Fest Planning Committee and PTG gave us a card and all your peers from Ms. Hennings T-K class made us cards. Those were the hardest to look at and read through. Each of them was so sweet. You could tell they really enjoyed having you in their class. I wish you would have had an entire year with them. 

It makes my heart melt to know how many people loved and cared about you, but at the same time it stings and makes me feel cheated. I wish you didn’t have to leave so early. 

I miss you. 

Momma