Dear Olivia, Almost three months later and you are still dictating our schedules. I can't seem to stop giving your brother his bath before dinnertime. My guess is that most people probably give their children a bath after they eat and get dirty, but we've never done that. We've always done it the other way … Continue reading You’re Still in Control
Month: February 2017
Nothing’s Okay
Dear Livy, Whoever said grieving comes in waves was one hundred percent correct. My heart and mind have been full of giant tsunami size waves these last few days. I've felt like you died all over again. I've been consumed by emotions and everything I do or look at somehow reminds me of you. I'm … Continue reading Nothing’s Okay
Written with Love
Dear Olivia, The cards we've been mailed have been piling up on our dining room table for weeks, a little over eight weeks to be exact. I've been working to clean up and get things reorganized around the house. Part of that has included going through all the cards and in some cases opening a … Continue reading Written with Love
Aging is a Privilege
Dear Olivia, It was wonderful to make people smile in your memory today. Your teachers and classmates seemed happy to get the Valentine's cards and eat your favorite pasta. Teacher Margot sent me a picture of all your school providers wearing the "Proud" t-shirts we gave to each of them this past Christmas. You know, … Continue reading Aging is a Privilege
Ahoy Valentine!
Dear Olivia, Your brother, dad and I put together your Valentine's stuff for your classroom party tomorrow. Sage loved helping mix the cupcake batter. He thinks the mixing machine is amazing and now insists on putting anything and everything into it. The scary part is he's figured out how to also push his chair around … Continue reading Ahoy Valentine!
Happy Stress
Dear Olivia, Anything and everything I do will never feel the same. You were my world. I use to talk about you even when the conversation had nothing to do with you. I always found a way to weave you into any discussion. Talking about you these days makes most people uncomfortable. It's hard for people to find the … Continue reading Happy Stress
The Power of Love
Dear Olivia, I don't like when it feels like you've been gone forever. As I was digging through Sage's closet for a shoe last night I was forced to look at your personalized luggage and a bag of baby O keepsakes. The bag is something I've been putting together since you were born. It includes items such as your … Continue reading The Power of Love
Cards & Cookies
Dear Olivia, Everyday since your birthday I've been sending out what I'm calling, Olivia cards. I didn't get a chance to send out holiday thank you cards and I won't be sending birthday thank you cards on your behalf, like I typically do each year. Instead, little by little I'm sending out Olivia cards. They're short … Continue reading Cards & Cookies
My Daughter Wasn’t a Number
Dear Livy, There was a piece of mail that came from the IHSS county office on your birthday, but I made the conscious decision not to open it that day. I'm glad I did. It wasn't a condolence letter and it wasn't thoughtful at all. It was an absolutely heartless "Notice of Action" that read, "Your eligibility … Continue reading My Daughter Wasn’t a Number
Water Magic
Dear Livy, This is going to sound strange, but this morning I woke up with a sense of relief. I don't think I realized it until today, but I was really stressed about getting through your birthday. Its like I couldn't begin my healing process until it was over. Don't get me wrong, today was just … Continue reading Water Magic
Dear Livy 