Dear Olivia,

Everyday since your birthday I’ve been sending out what I’m calling, Olivia cards. I didn’t get a chance to send out holiday thank you cards and I won’t be sending birthday thank you cards on your behalf, like I typically do each year. Instead, little by little I’m sending out Olivia cards. They’re short gratitude cards that sometimes include a Livy remembrance bracelet. At this point I haven’t found the strength or energy to do more than five or so a day. I could usually knock out 20 – 25 thank you cards in a day with no problem, but these cards are different and harder to write. I’m okay with it taking me how ever long to get them out. It’s a project and right now projects that involve you make me happy. 

This weekend I’ll be finishing up your class Valentine’s cards. Your classmates took a vote this week and decided they wanted to have your favorite pasta instead of the gluten free cupcakes…the ones you took to the last couple of classroom parties. Teacher Margot said it was a tough decision. I let her know that if the class wanted both I would make it happen. 

Your school principal and psychologist have been emailing me different tree ideas. The three of us are trying to decide what kind of tree we should plant on campus in your memory. They’re good people. One of them has a husband who does ceramics. He volunteered to make a unique ceramic plaque with your name and whatever else we want on it for the tree. Having a supportive school community is wonderful. 

The smallest and simplest actions can make things so hard for me. I placed a cookie order through your school fundraiser, but it wasn’t through you, which made it challenging. You should have been bringing home that fundraising packet. Things like this shouldn’t make me so emotional. Cookies for god sake! Livy, I’m trying, I’m really trying. 

I miss you.

Love,

Momma