Dear Olivia,
The end of the school year is approaching and your friends are getting ready to transition to kindergarten. I feel like I’m approaching the true goodbye time to your school team. It’s been nice having your classroom things intact. It’s made us all feel like part of you is still with the class. Teacher Margot kept most of your belongs right where you left them, in your bright pink cubby. She also had the class make me a special Mother’s Day gift just like they were making for their own Mommy’s. It’s your school picture in dainty little wooden flower that’s standing in a pot. I think it might have been painted by your classmates too. I love it and I know it’s probably the last Mother’s Day gift I’ll be getting on your behalf of your class. It’s a difficult fact to swallow and one that brings me many tears.

Somehow I have to find the strength to get through what should be your last day of preschool. Your school made a memory section of you in the yearbook. The only yearbook I’ll ever have of you in it. These are acts of kindness that mean the world to me. They remind me of how loved you were. It also reminds me of the young boy in my 7th grade yearbook who died of Leukemia. I’ve never forgotten him or how much our school community did to celebrate his memory.

I made your teacher’s end of the year gifts and I plan to do what we’ve done the last two years. I’m going to wrap them up with care and drop them off at school. You won’t be coming home with me this time, but I won’t be empty handed. I’ll be bringing home the school projects you worked on before you left. I’ll hang them in the kitchen on the bulletin board like I always do and after a few weeks I’ll take them down and add them to your memory box.

This year the last day of school is also your brother’s birthday. I probably won’t see your classroom again. Sage won’t be going to your school next year. He won’t be going there for at least a couple more years. We’ve decided to instead enroll him into a small private school for two – three years. I’ll still participate in your school PBIS committee and try to stay posted on how things are going. Hopefully I’ll still be able to help out with the Harvest Fest, but if not I’ll do it again when Sage gets there. Sometimes breaks are healthy, but for me they’re painful reminders. At some point I’ll be back at the preschool playground for your tree planing ceremony. We recently settled on a tree and are waiting for the district details.

I love and miss you day and night. I just wish I could show you how much.

Love always,

Momma